Wire Fences and Prayers

Dear Friends and Loved Ones,

It is with a heavy heart that I inform you of our collective and impending doom. My knowledge encumbers me in the way a soaking wool cloak might burden a weary and tired traveler. If this warning were disseminated earlier, it might have done some good; alas, the end of humanity is at hand. Whatever the case may be, I hope that the following evidence will shed some light on a situation that will ultimately prove to be the vehicle for our demise as self-proclaimed “rulers of the earth”.

We often underestimate the true powers of Mother Nature and her wily ways, but this time, she has truly given us the finger – nay, the fist! “Mother Nature’s Fisting,” as it is known among academia, absolutely defined humans as mere cattle for the latest evolutionary peddler of death and chaos.

A creature of hellish origin was allegedly shot dead by a farmer somewhere southwest of here (these are the most specific coordinates I can provide lest I endanger you further). This demon that plagues the southwestern portion of America is known for it’s unquenchable thirst for the blood of goats and other livestock, hence its name, translated as “goat-sucker”.

I know that we can all relate to the potential ramifications of this potentially blood-thirsty rampage. Ranked on the highly-effective National Terror Scale, I would designate this particular emergency as a dark maroon – highly dangerous. We might all think of ourselves as weeping witnesses left in the wake of gore that this creature brings, because, you know, we get livestock and stuff from…southwest of here.

I propose that we come together as citizens of this planet and protect ourselves from that which truly threatens our borders. Illegal immigrants?!? Come on, people; let’s not kid ourselves. As a man who knows a handful of immigrants (most of them legal), I can say, with 100% confidence, that none of them have ever mentioned wanting to suck the blood from a young goat. There’s been some other crazy shit, but we don’t need to get into that.

The point is that we need to mobilize and we need to do it now. Wire fences and praying will only hold back the horror for so long. We have to educate ourselves. We have to know. Knowing is half the battle.